


Colorblind

by thesoytasty



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: AU, Alternative Universe - Detective & Crime, Detective & Crime, F/F, F/M, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 17:49:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3258848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesoytasty/pseuds/thesoytasty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six years prior to the main events. - Laura Hollis, 22, is determined to become a homicide detective once she graduates college together with best friend Kirsch. Although her girlfriend Danny motivates her a lot, their end goals might be different, which causes for a bump in their relationship. Perry and LaFontaine, better known as the Science Gingers, share a dorm and bed together, despite the opinions from their parents. Laura comes across Estelle from yoga class, together with her girlfriend Carmilla Karnstein, sarcastic, sassy badass. But unknown to most people, both Laura and Carmilla hide dark secrets from their past...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Colorblind

\----------+

“We have a reservation. Table for two. Lawrence.” 

Danny looked around the restaurant as they walked through the corridor. With her height, she had a clear view of the place. It was pretty packed. Considering it was Valentine’s Day of course.

“Ah yes. Please come with me, Miss Lawrence.”

The waiter went ahead of the couple as Danny and Laura followed.

“Dan, this looks great and all, but maybe we should’ve picked the one down the road? Seems like we will be eating on each other tonight. I mean it looks fancy and all, but I don’t really like eating in crowded places.”

Laura gave her girlfriend a goofy smile, strolling behind her as the waiter seated them at a table for two.

“It’s fine, people will be leaving soon, since it’s Valentine’s Day. I’m sure they also have “other things” planned tonight.” 

Danny put an exaggerated tone on the two words, earning a hand slap and a giggle from Laura.

“You know, this is a nice surprise. Thank you for taking me here tonight and not letting me brood over the C minus I got for my criminal justice midterm.” 

“Oh please babe, that was still on the average of the whole class. You know Mr. Rizzoli sucks at teaching properly. Which is why he’s getting replaced next semester.” 

The tall redhead gave her girlfriend a reassuring smile while Laura was playing with her silverware.

The brunette decided to look at the menu.  
“So, what do we have for-”

“..dessert?” 

Laura bit her lip while glancing at her girlfriend like she had got caught. Danny just shook her head.

She was already used to it by now. Laura was always more interested in the biggest creampuff they had rather than some actual food. And the tiny brunette still managed to have a toned body. All those yoga classes must be paying off, Danny thought while shrugging her shoulders.

“Let’s see, I’ll have a medium steak with potatoes and salad on the side.”

Danny handed her menu to the waiter.

“I’ll have the salmon steak. With fries. Oh, and can I have the creampuff on the side? I mean not on the side, but like, already for dessert, served, with my, dinner, that is?” 

Laura gave a wide smile to the waiter, who raised his eyebrow.

“Most certainly, ma’am.” 

Danny gave a smirk once he left.

“What? I don’t see the harm of indulging myself in some nicely baked dough filled with fluff, side by side with my dinner?” 

“You know what happens when you do that, right?” Danny said, knowing her girlfriend all too well.

Twenty minutes later they both had their food and Danny was shaking her head with a smile, while eating her steak. Laura put one tenth of her eaten salmon steak away for the creampuff, that was almost as big as her face while she strategically placed her fork in it so it wouldn’t explode.

“I can’t believe we’ve been together for a year now and I haven’t managed to convince you to eat actual food.”

“Maybe once you’re a lawyer you can make me pledge to eat actual food, only actual food and nothing but actual food.” Laura mockingly replied to her girlfriend.

“Sure, so you can arrest me and tell me that I have the right to remain silent and every word I say can and will be used against me in the court of law etcetera etcetera..”

Laura cleared her throat, “Ahem, you have the right to an attorney“ -wink- “If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand these rights I have just read to you?” 

Danny bit her lip in just the wrong way which made Laura feel a slight tingle between her thighs. Her face changed and she gave the brunette a seductive look. 

“Yes, I do, officer. Are you gonna cuff me now?” She kept her gaze locked with the brunette.

How did she do that? Laura thought. Going from a sweet puppy dog to this sexual beast that is ready to tear her clothes off right on the spot.

Laura coughed and had to drink a sip of her water. 

“Are you ok?” Danny asked, all innocently again.

“Sure babe, why don’t you ask me that later tonight, huh?”

They decided that they had enough for the night to eat and it was time to go do “other things” now. Laura had to adjust herself before they left, though.

“I need to go to the ladies room.” 

“I’ll get the check, I got this one.”

Danny gave her girlfriend a wink as she strolled off in her overly cute manner.

-+-

Laura suddenly remembered all of the papers and essays she had due before the end of the semester, which was in a few weeks. 

She sighed and flushed the toilet.

When she washed her hands, she quickly checked if nothing was in between her teeth. Don’t want Danny making more fun of her tonight, or later tonight, when they will get some time alone together to-

“I think you’re good to go.”

Laura quickly glanced over to the girl standing a few sinks away from her. She didn’t even realize someone had walked in. Embarrassing.

“Haha, thanks.” she could feel her face warm up a little.

The brunette gave her a friendly smile. 

“Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?”

“Ha, you’re gonna have to try better than that, sweetie.” the girl replied with a smirk. She dried her hands off.

“No, no, I didn’t, I’m here with my girlfriend, I mean, aren’t you in my yoga class?”

Laura pinched her eyes to give the girl a good look.

“Hey, yeah. You’re right.”

The girl walked over to Laura and extended her hand. Laura gave her still dripping hand to her.

“Oh oops. I just need to” she grabed the paper towel the girl handed out to her.

“Oh, here you go.” 

“Thanks, I’m Laura.” 

“Hi. Estelle, nice to meet you.”

She’s really beautiful, Laura thought. Estelle was wearing an elegant white dress with a low neckline. It suited her body posture really well and it brought out her grey-hazel eyes. She was only half of an inch taller than Laura.

“So, those classes are kinda tough sometimes. They do pay off though, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, they do. I can reach my pencils under my bed now without having to first get on the floor and inhale all the dust. Instead I can just stay on my bed and bend over in a very unnatural way.”

“I know right? So handy.” Estelle laughed.

“You look nice tonight.” 

“Thanks. So do you.” 

Laura looked down at her lace bordeaux, red sleeveless dress and was pretty proud of it herself.

“So you’re also on a date with your Valentine?”

The girl put some exaggeration on the last word and winked at Laura.

“I am. My girlfriend booked us a surprise dinner, which I kinda needed, after the grades I got back.”

“Ah, well that’s thoughtful of her. Mine is all over romance and insisted on having a candle lit dinner at home. But I like being in a crowd and well, tonight I particularly liked being in a crowd.”

Estelle said the words and trailed off a bit, not going unnoticed by Laura.

“Yeah, I like the opposite better, I guess.”

They both smiled and glanced at the door when it opened.

“There you are. I thought I would have to come fish you back up from the depths of the sewers.”

A dark-haired girl walked in and went straight to Estelle.

“Come on, I still got one surprise planned, but we gotta be quick for it. So when you’re done, socializing with your Zen-buddies, we can go now, yeah?” 

“Babe, I was just talking to Laura, from my yoga class.” She smiled at the tiny brunette.

“And you’re gonna get some yoga lessons from me if you don’t hurry up.”

Laura was just standing there while the two girls interacted with each other. 

“I assume, you are the Valentine.” Laura then interrupted.

The two girls looked at her, suddenly remembering they were not alone.

“Must I be?” the dark-haired girl replied, giving the brunette a quick glance and turning away again.

“Baby stop it, be nice for a change.”

“Ell, we need to go. Now.”

“Alright, alright.”

“It was nice meeting you Laura. I’ll see you in yoga class”

“Yeah was nice meeting you too, Ell, and…” 

“Carmilla.” the dark-haired girl replied, giving her a somewhat friendly smirk and a raised eyebrow.

At least it’s something, Laura thought. She is kinda really gorgeous though. I like her curls.

The girls waved at Laura and headed out of the bathroom stall.

Well then, back to her own tall Valentine.

-+-

“Ha, I got you, again!” 

Laura slammed the playstation controller on her couch and did something very close to a victory dance.

“Not fair, you nicked me on the last track.” Kirsch whined.

He slammed the controller on the table with a poutful lip.

“Oh come on, grow up! Let’s go for another round.”

“I think I’m in need for feed, instead of Need for Speed.” 

Laura just gave him a mocking smile and went off into the kitchen.

“We have pizza left from yesterday.” she shouted with a mouthful of what probably was pizza.

“Works for me.”

They settled down on the couch with the box on the table.

“You know the only great thing about this box we call an “apartment” is the fact that Dominos is right downstairs.”

“That and that we can split the not so high rent so we will still be able to pay our student debts by the time we’re handing out… lawsuits. Or tickets. Or whatever.”  
Laura just had to laugh. Her best friend from high school was still the same after all of these years and she instantly thought he should never change. 

She could live with him, as she had been since they started college together, but she had a feeling getting a girlfriend for him wouldn’t be the worlds easiest job.

“What are you looking at me for, dorkenstein?” 

“Nothing, meatball, you just have cheese all over your face.”

She threw a napkin in his lap and quickly snatched the last piece of pizza from the box.

“So, how are things with Danny going? You had that nice Valentine’s thing last week?”

“Yeah we’re good. I mean, I like her and she likes me and we have a great time together.”

“Hm.”

“What?”

“Really? You both like each other, and you have a great time? That’s it?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Mister Cupid, please tell me more about how we should always be passionately on the phone with each other and exchange lustful looks.” 

Kirsch snorted.

“That’s not what I meant, but that image does give some-” 

“Oh, shut up!” Laura playfully tapped him on the arm, almost knocking his pizza out of his hand.

“Wow, easy there Hollis, I see your Krav Maga and Yoga classes have turned you into a tiny muscleball. Anyway, as I was saying, you both like each other, I mean, what are your plans next, like after college? I mean do you love her?”

Laura just stared at her pizza for a second. 

“I.. I don’t know. And we haven’t really thought about it. Yet. I mean, there’s only so much you can think about when you’re 22 and trying to get your criminal justice degree so you can become a homicide detective and such. And besides, Danny and I, we have our differences.”

Kirsch finished his last piece of pizza and wiped his face with a paper towel from the table.

“What do you mean?”

“Like, she’s all about justice and all evil should be locked up forever and all of that noble righteousness. And I’m just thinking, some people get jailed despite their innocence, or some people don’t really have much of choice. They murdered their parent because they were being abused or they killed their husband because their child was being molested. I just don’t think EVERYONE deserves to rot in jail for the rest of their lives and some people actually deserve a second chance you know?”

“Hm, I guess so. What does it even matter? She wants to be a lawyer so she can prove everyone guilty, which seems right to her and you want to become a homicide detective, because-”

He stopped, almost choking on his words and Laura didn’t take her eyes off of the table.

“Sorry.”

She sighed. “It’s ok. And it IS the reason. I dropped journalism so I could become a homicide detective. I mean, everything about that seems right, at the moment.” 

Kirsch just stared at her.

“It does.” she repeated, more to convince herself than her best friend.

Laura remembered that night all too well, four years ago. The way it had started to rain and they were trying to find shelter from it. Her mom’s smile. The sound of her laugh. And her limp dead body, as the raindrops kept pouring over her.

The minute her dad had burned out and had retired from the force. Her funeral. She remembered it all like it was yesterday.

“Are you ok?”

Laura snapped out of her thoughts and saw Kirsch looking at her with a worried expression.

She sighed, ”I’m fine.” 

“Come on, let’s go for another round. I’m sure I will beat you this time, hottie.” the boy smiled.

Laura snorted. “Sure you will, meatball.” and grabbed the controller to bury her friends ass in the dirt once again.

-+-

Ell opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. It had been about thirty minutes she’d been lying awake. She turned to look at the clock.

3.04 am.

Ell got up from her bed and put a white collared shirt on. Sighing, she walked over to the fridge, aimlessly opening it and staring into it. Eventually she closed it and strolled to her window.

The apartment was not too big, but she liked the view a lot. It had a clear view from the window to the sky. To the stars.

Her thoughts trailed off, to earlier that day. Her encounter. The arrangement that was made. 

Suddenly she felt a pair of hands around her waist, pulling her in closer and kissing her gently on her sensitive spot behind her ear.

She eased into the touch and put her own hands on her girlfriend’s.

“What are you thinking about, sweetie?” 

She loved Carmilla’s voice so close to her ear. It was so sensual, soft and calming. 

Without answering, she turned to look at the dark haired girl. She was covered in nothing but the sheets of the bed, which to be honest was her favorite outfit on Carmilla. Her most favorite was, of course, the obvious one.

Carmilla pulled her girlfriend in closer by the waist and unbuttoned the collar a little at the top. She dipped her head to leave soft kisses on her collarbone, trailing her lips up. 

The other girl raked her hands around her girlfriend’s neck and gave into her kisses.

They locked their lips in a sweet, passionate kiss. The kind that makes you forget about all the worries in the world. And where the rest of the room melts away. 

She pulled away.

Carmilla smiled and put her smug face on. “You weren’t thinking about getting that car again, were you? You don’t need one. You can use mine. I can take you wherever you want, sweetheart.” 

Ell raised her eyebrow and crooked her lips in an amused smile.

“No I wasn’t, and I’m sure you can, my love.” 

They exchanged a quick kiss.

“Then what is it? You don’t like me stealing all the covers in bed anymore?” 

Ell looked down and laughed. Carmilla always had a way of cheering her up and getting her mind off of things.

“I was just wondering, why, sometimes, things happen when they happen.” 

“Oh well then, and here I was thinking I am the philosophy major, but no, my girlfriends ruined my life once again, by thinking about life at 3 am while looking at the stars. Well done, you” 

Carmilla smiled and was happy to see a bright genuine grin appear on the other girls face.

“Come back to bed with me, babe.” 

Ell’s smile disappeared and made place for a smug face. 

“Make me.” 

It came out as a sensual whisper, more of an invitation than a challenge, and Carmilla did not hesitate for a second. 

She pulled the girl in by her waist and kissed her, hungrily, while feverishly unbuttoning the white collar she was wearing.

Carmilla abandoned her mouth to leave hard wet kisses around her pulse point. Ell gasped and felt her shirt being taken off aggressively.

Carmilla never had the patience for foreplay with clothes on; any piece of fabric restricting the feeling of skin on skin she needed to get rid of as soon as possible.

But once in bed, when no piece of clothing would be in the way, she was a slow and gentle lover. She would always take her time, for hours, sometimes the whole night, to pleasure her girlfriend. To make her whole body feel alive.

Carmilla dropped the sheets around her and soon their bodies clashed, pulling each other impossibly close to feel every inch of skin.

Ell liked to tease Carmilla. She would take control for a while, but she wasn’t the dominant type. That was all Carmilla’s job.

Carmilla felt her back hit the wall of the apartment as Ell pushed her up against it. She didn’t have any time to catch her breath, because the other girls lips were on hers again, claiming her tongue instantly.

She could feel Ell’s hands going over her breasts, cupping them hard, and Carmilla gasped in her mouth.

Ell roamed her hand lower, over her girlfriend’s stomach, down to where all the heat had been building up. Her hand was grabbed mid track and she heard the all too familiar smirk of Carmilla.

“Nice try, cupcake.” 

Being three steps away from the bed, Carmilla forced herself off of the wall and walked towards the bed, pushing Ell onto it and pinning her hands down. They were both breathing heavily.

“I like it when you take control.” Ell’s voice was shaking from desire.

“I like it when you try to.” 

They continued their kiss, only to break it for hungry kisses down each others necks, or to latch their mouth onto each others aching core, as they made love all through the night.

Tomorrow was another day, to worry about things that were to come.

-+-

“Danny, have you seen my laptop charger? I can’t find it anywhere.”

“I have no idea, just look under the pile of… clothes.. over there.” Danny pointed towards the edge of the bed, without looking away from her laptop screen.

Laura looked around the redhead’s apartment. Piles of clothes were all over the floor. Unwashed dishes were piled up at the sink.

She sighed. And she thought having Kirsch as her roommate was bad. If she was living with Danny, she would’ve gone crazy of spraying 20 cans of febreeze.

The brunette scrunched her nose and started to go through every pile of clothes to find her charger. The fact that today was her criminal justice presentation wasn’t helping one bit. She made sure everything was in order last night. But then things got hot and heavy with Danny and clothes came off and apparently chargers disappeared in the hot throws of passion.

Which was quite hot. But right now that wasn’t helping the fact that she wished she really prepared everything into her backpack, instead of leaving it lying around there.

The tiny brunette was tossing everything all over the place and one of her shirts even ended up on Danny.

“Hey!”

At Least the redhead took her eyes off the screen for a second.

“Danny, I need to leave in 15 minutes!”

“You’re a fast biker.” Laura could tell Danny was still mocking her.

After seeing her unamused face, she changed her mind. “Here, take mine.”

Danny walked over to her pouting girlfriend and handed her the charger.

“Don’t worry you’ll be fine. We rehearsed it like 20 times yesterday remember?”

She stroked Laura’s hair, but the brunette was still pouting.

Danny put on a serious face. “Hm, I see. Then I guess there’s only one way to solve this.” 

Without a warning, Laura was tackled on the bed and Danny tickled her all over.

“Alright, alright, ok, stop! Stop it!”

She could barely breathe and her legs were thrashing all over the place. Danny wasn’t having any mercy and her hands were still on Laura’s stomach.

“Ok, ok, enough!” She grabbed Danny’s hands and flipped her over, probably those yoga lessons paying off again. Danny was pinned down on her back with her hands above her head.

“You know, you’re gonna get punished for that.” Laura’s voice had gotten low, but she was still trying to catch her breathe.

“Am I now? I thought you have somewhere to be.” Danny hated that they wouldn’t be able to finish this until later tonight, because oh my god, did she love when Laura got dominant.

“I do. But there’s always later tonight.” 

Without breaking eye contact, Laura slowly got off of the redhead, sliding down onto her feet.

“Thanks for the charger, babe.” She winked and headed out of the door.

-+-

“Ell, where the fuck did I put my notes from last night?” Carmilla started to laugh sarcastically.

“I swear, if you put it with the garbage from yesterday, I will-” she turned around and looked at her girlfriend, choking on her words.

Ell was standing in the doorway of her bedroom, wearing a plaid flannel with probably nothing underneath it since she just got up, with a small notebook in her hand, having ‘Carmilla’ written on it with white ink.

“Jee, babe, I honestly, really, have no clue, where you could have possibly left it.” 

Ell had a mischievous look on her face and Carmilla knew she wasn’t gonna get it back just like that. She would have to take it from her.

“Love, that’s a precious masterpiece and a part of my soul. You don’t wanna do this.”

“Hm, I think-” she started to walk backwards, holding the notebook behind her back “-I do.”

Due to the movement, her beautiful decollete became exposed and Carmilla was having a hard time remembering where she had to go and why. Ell’s smiled got replaced by an evil smirk and she sat down on the bed, pushing herself up with her arms and sliding further back. She put the notebook behind her back. The sunlight was shining right on the bed, giving her shoulder-height hazel-brown hair a golden tone, and my god, it made her even more irresistible.

Carmilla let out a groan and stormed to the bedroom.

“Sweetie…” it was more of a threat than a term of endearment.

She dropped her backpack and got closer to the bed.

“You know we’ve been over this. You gotta stop doing that. There are consequences.”

She was in the room and got on the bed, grabbing Ell’s hands from behind her back and pinning her down, getting on top of her. The notebook was underneath them, but Carmilla was not really interested in that anymore. She brought her face close to her girlfriends.

Ell whispered, seductively. “Oh, but I love the consequences. So much.” 

“You’ll regret this.”

Without saying more, Carmilla slowly ran her knee up the brunette’s thigh, spreading her legs and hitting a sensitive spot. Ell gasped into Carmilla’s mouth and Carmilla pushed her down by locking their lips into a wet kiss.

She put both of Ell’s hands above her head and held them down with one hand. With the other, she pulled the plaid collar down, exposing Ell's shoulder and Carmilla went in for the kill.

She nipped at the skin of her collarbone, leaving tiny bruises all over. Ell was trying to get her hands free and was kind of regretting this now, but would not give in just yet.

Carmilla went to her neck, which she knew would drive Ell insane, and started to suck at her pulse point while slowly grinding her body into the other girl and roaming her hand up underneath the plaid shirt.

She let out a moan now and was trying harder to get her hands free. 

“You surrender yet?” Carmilla breathed in her ear.

“Never.” 

Carmilla brought her thigh closer to the the girl’s core, pushing it up against her while never breaking eye contact. She loved to see her girlfriend squirm under her touch, especially when she brought it upon herself. 

Ell was now considering giving in, not that Carmilla would let it go this easily, but she was having trouble keeping her cool.

Ell moaned again and tipped her head back from pleasure. 

“You’re so perfect.” Carmilla whispered and dipped her head into her girlfriends neck again, leaving wet kisses.

It was crazy what Ell could do to her. Drive her insane like this and she didn’t even need to be naked for it. 

Carmilla brought her other hand up and laced their fingers together. 

She strongly considered skipping her class and instead making love to Ell right then and there. She began to grind her body a few more times against Ell, making sure her girlfriend was still squirming underneath her.

Then she swiftly got up and grabbed her notebook from the bed.

“Hey! Get back here!”

Carmilla started to walk backwards, waving the notebook in front of her and biting her lip.

“Told you, you would regret it.” 

She stopped in her tracks and her victorious smile gradually disappeared from her face when Ell got up from the bed and unbuttoned her shirt, dropping it on the floor, exposing her now completely naked body. She slowly roamed her own hands over her thighs and stomach

“Are you sure about that?” It was barely a whisper, but the sound of her voice sent a shiver down Carmilla’s spine.

She slowly walked over to Carmilla, who hadn’t gone further than the threshold of the bedroom, and pushed her to the side against the wall. She pressed her own naked body close against her girlfriend, putting her leg in between Carmilla’s. She ground her core against the other girl’s leather pants, which felt so good against her clit.

Ell moaned into Carmilla’s mouth, which had fallen open without her even being aware of it.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” 

Even before Carmilla gave the answer, she knew she had won. There was one thing Carmilla couldn’t resist at all costs, and that was Ell pleasuring herself on Carmilla’s body. 

The notebook got thrown across the floor.

“Not anymore I don’t.” 

Before Ell knew it, Carmilla’s mouth was on hers again and she was picked up off the floor and into her girlfriend’s arms. She wrapped her legs around the other girl’s waist and heard a loud thud as she was pushed hard against the wooden wall of the apartment. She then felt the soft mattress of the bed once again when Carmilla put her down on it. She got on top of her and started to undress herself.

“Lucky I’m way ahead in this class anyway.” 

“Hm, lucky me.”

-+-

“Hey that’s cheating, dickhead!” 

Danny smacked Kirsch’s arm with her controller. 

“According to Laura it’s not.” 

“Ha, and she is the most ethical one of all of us, not being able to cheat on tests and wanting to do everything the ‘right’ way.”

“Just admit it, you suck at this game, Red Meat.”

He smirked while putting the controller away.

“So, are we waiting for Laura to order the pizza or what? I thought you said she would be done by 5.” 

“Well that’s her regular schedule so. I think she’ll get in any-”

“Gosh darn it!”

“-time now.”

The door to apartment number 307 swung open and a tiny ball of rage entered and slammed the door shut, having a scrunched nose on her face.

Laura dropped her backpack on the floor, and kicked it aside.

“Well, hellol to you too, sunshine.” 

Kirsch smirked. It was always funny to see Laura angry.

Danny tapped his shoulder, shaking her head.

“Everything ok, babe?” 

“I just failed my criminal justice midterm! I don’t understand! The presentation went really well but Mr. Caine told me that my ‘sense of raising awareness and criminals needing to redeem themselves’ were poorly built up, so he gave me an F. I can’t believe this. As if having Rizzoli was’t bad enough.”

Clenching her hands into fists, Laura groaned and kicked her backpack again.

“Hey, it will be ok, don’t worry about it.” Danny walked over to Laura, but she didn’t want to hear any of it.

“No it won’t. I need to pass this class, you know that. I need to pass it with an A, or else there will be no more scholarship and I can kiss my detective career goodbye.”

She let out another groan.

“Well, I mean, you can still pass, but it will take you a bit longer I guess.”

Laura’s rage only got fueled by the things her girlfriend was saying to her.

“Danny, how in the hell is that helping any of this? Really?”

“It’s not that bad, Laura, really-”

“That’s easy for you to say, isn’t it, teacher’s pet? He let’s you pass everything without looking twice at your papers. I know this, because I know the way he’s looking at you.”

Danny went silent and just stared at her girlfriend.

“That’s not fair and you know it. That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it? He rarely gives any notes on your paper and there’s always a big “A” visible, while mine is tainted with his red correction pen. We do all our homework together.”

She sighed. Danny wasn’t sure what to say.

“Look Laura, we will study harder, ok? We can take practice tests together and I will help you with your papers. Just-”

“Just stop, please. There won’t be any studying together.”

Kirsch suddenly felt really uncomfortable in the room.

“I’m just gonna go and-

“What is that supposed to mean? Suddenly we’re not study buddies anymore? Because my grades are better than yours?”

He quietly strolled off into the kitchen.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Because no matter how much we study together, my grades are not going up and I can’t afford to fail this year.”

She sighed and walked over to the couch, plopping onto it.

Danny was still standing, getting a little uncomfortable herself.

“Look, Laura, I didn’t mean to make it worse. If you don’t wanna study with me anymore, that’s fine. I mean, we can still hang out afterwards.”

Laura’s facial expression changed, and suddenly she felt exhausted. She had her whole college life planned out according to the schedule. One that she needed to maintain at all costs.

“Danny..” 

She looked up at her girlfriend. She could see in Danny’s eyes that she knew what Laura was about to say. And honestly that made it even harder. But she knew it was necessary.

“I think, it’s best if we…”

Laura was fiddling with her hands and looked down again.

“...take a break… for a while. I just, I really need to focus on these classes and Mr. Caine says if I put enough effort into it I can still get my grade up. But that would mean, no more spare time for other things.”

“Oh I see. So now I qualify under the category of ‘other things’”?

Laura sighed, “Danny, you know that’s not what I meant, I just.”

She didn’t know what else to say.

“I think this is best, for me, right now. I’m sorry.”

“Sure. Whatever you say.” 

Danny grabbed her coat and stormed out the apartment.

Kirsch peeked his head out of the kitchen and saw Laura sitting on the couch, still looking down.

“Hey, you ok?”

She didn’t answer. No, she was not ok. Danny probably hated her now, and she wasn’t even sure if this would fix it all. But she knew that it was worth a try. The sooner she graduated college and enrolled into the force, the sooner she would get what she wanted the most. To become a homicide detective.

And solve the murder of her mother.

“I’ll be fine.” she said without looking up. Her eyes started to tear up.

Suddenly the room seemed way too small and she wasn’t there anymore. It was like she had traveled back in time, to when she was 6. She was playing outside in the garden while her mom sat on the porch, crafting. Her mom loved crafting. And she was so good at it. She would put together the most amazing stuff, and give it to her. She was running around, chasing her cat, Mr. Puffletoe. The most ridiculous name, come to think of it. Her mom was smiling. As she got closer to her, she could clearly smell her perfume. A smell of roses mixed with a hint of cinnamon. Her mom had the most beautiful smile. She could remember her smile the most, radiating upon her. But her face started to fade, slowly. Like time was erasing her from Laura’s memory.

Laura was crying out loud now, not even realizing Kirsch had walked to the couch. He put his arms around her while her head was buried in his shoulder. It felt like her world came crashing down and there wasn’t a thing that could make her feel better. 

No, she needed to stay strong and keep going on. For her. She wouldn’t let her mother’s murder go unsolved.

Kirsch put his hand on hers and gave her a reassuring smile.

The silence was suddenly broken by a loud growl of someone’s stomach.

“Uhm, so, are you hungry?” 

She gave her friend a genuine smile. “What would I do without you, Kirsch?”

Smiling in return, he grabbed her hand. “Let’s go.”

-+-

“Babe, we’re gonna be late come on!”

“Yeah hold on, I need to find extra batteries!”

LaFontaine was rustling through their drawer, trying to find an extra pack of AA’s. Perry was standing by the doorway of their dorm room, tapping her feet impatiently.

“Sweetie, last time your calculator didn’t die during the test, I can hardly imagine it happening this time.”

“Ha! That’s what everyone thinks and then BOOM! You’re right in the middle of calculating your standard deviation, filling in all things necessary and you’re totally gonna ace the test, when suddenly all the numbers disappear and your screen goes blank and you’re having a mental breakdown in a huge classroom filled with 400 people. Didn’t think so, honey.”

Perry rolled her eyes so far back into her head, LaF thought they were gonna pop out on the other side.

They went to another drawer and started to flip through the contents until they ended up on the floor.

“LaF, you are going to clean all this sh-”

“Found them! Ok, let’s go.”

LaFontaine gave her curly, redheaded girlfriend a quick kiss on her pouting lips and they made their way out of the door to take their math test.

“You know, I still have to study for my chemistry lab and physics this afternoon in the library so I won’t be able to pick up my bike. Can you do it, please, please, please?” 

They put their hands around Perry and pulled them closer, giving her the smile of an innocent child asking for candy.

“Oh, fine. But you’re helping me prepare brownies tonight, you hear me?”

She ran her fingers through the short-haired redhead, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

“You are the most amazing girlfriend ever.” they said with the widest grin on their face.

They were walking through campus, holding hands. Although Perry’s parents weren’t very accepting of the lgbtqa community, at least at school they could be whoever they wanted to be, she thought.

LaFontaine’s mom needed to get used to their coming out as gay and genderqueer, but all in all she was a lot more accepting than Perry’s parents would ever be. LaFontaine’s dad on the other hand, was a total asshole.

She quickly shook the thought and turned her attention to LaF.

“What are you looking at, babe?” 

“Just that you’re awesome, and you’re totally gonna ace this test.” 

Never letting go of each other’s hands, they walked into the class building.

-+-

Perry opened the door to the bike shop located across the campus and dorm hall.

The shop owner smiled at her.

“Hi. I’m picking up, S. LaFontaine.”

He rustled through his papers and handed a card back with a number on it.

“Right in the back, ma’am.” 

She walked around the desk, heading into an area that looked like a storage place for bikes. They began scanning them all until she stopped at the appropriate number.

While grabbing the bike, she suddenly heard someone trying not to use swear words.

“Gosh darn it!”

When she looked over, a tiny brunette was fighting with the seat of her bike. Her nose was scrunched and she was waving her hands all over the place, as if trying to ask her bike what was wrong with it.

Perry couldn’t help but laugh and walked over to the girl.

“Hey, you need any help with that?”

“I guess, I mean if you can. Help.” 

She looked like she had been at this for a while and her eyes were somewhat red, as if she had been crying or she could use more sleep. Must be a college student as well, Perry thought.

“Here, you grab the handle and I will push it down.”

“See, there you go.”

Perry gave the brunette a smile and grabbed LaFontaine’s bike.

“Thanks a lot. Hey, you’re in my physics class right?” 

“I think so yeah. Hi, I’m Perry.” 

“Laura.” 

“Nice bike you got there.”

Perry looked down and smiled.

“It’s my friend’s. They had crashed their bike with a car a few days ago and the frames got heavily bent. Since this was the bike they received from their mom as a birthday gift, they didn’t want to buy a new one and instead got this one fixed. Luckily, they were in one piece, just a bruise on their leg.”

“Oh. Good.”

Suddenly her face dropped again, like her world had just come crashing down. The brunette smiled. She had black rings under her eyes and looked like she had seen better days. Perry suddenly felt bad for her.

“Hey, so since we, you know, we had this new found bonding over physics and bikes, why don’t we take this to the next level and become friends?”

“I would like that.” Her face lit up a little.

“If you don’t have anything to do tonight, my friend and I are having a small get together, with snacks and netflix. You should come too.” 

Laura looked up and Perry was wondering what the girl was thinking. It looked like her world was crashing down, and yet she tried to smile.

“That’s really nice of you. I’ll think about it. Is it ok if I bring a friend?”

“Of course. Alright, well I gotta run, those brownies are not gonna bake themselves.” 

Perry gave her a wink and Laura smiled, genuinely this time.

“So maybe, I’ll see you tonight?”

“Yeah, sure. Bye.”

With LaFontaine’s bike on her arm she left the store. 

-+-

“Honey I hope you don’t mind, I invited Laura tonight to come over.”

“Laura?”

“Yeah you know from physics? Tiny, brunette, does all her homework in time?” 

“Oh yeah! Is she bringing Danny?” 

“I don’t think so. I don’t think they’re dating anymore. I saw Danny flirting with some girl in the hallway and I haven’t seen them looking at each other for a while.”

“Hm, oh well. Not everyone can be as perfect as you and I are.” LaFontaine winked at Perry, giving her a wide grin.

“Sweetie!” 

Perry pretended not to be affected by the comment, but internally she was trying not to make the widest smile appear on her face.

“It’s ok. It was kinda weird seeing them together anyway. I’m sure they will both find the right people in time. Lucky I already have mine.” 

LaFontaine smiled while mixing the milk and eggs in a bowl, handing the batter over to Perry.

“Oh, sweetie. Your Dad called.” 

LaFontaine’s breath hitched for a second, which didn’t go unnoticed by Perry.

“What did he want?”

“He wouldn’t say. He wouldn’t talk to me.” 

The last thing LaFontaine wanted was a dry and hateful conversation with a homophobic father, about whether or not they had decided yet if they wanted to be a girl, in a relationship with a boy, so they could come back into the house again.

LaFontaine didn’t even notice Perry’s hand on their shoulder or that she was calling out for them.

“Honey, are you ok?” 

LaFontaine’s mood had dropped a little, but decided they wouldn’t let their asshole father ruin a perfect night with the most amazing girl in the world. And accompanying friends.

“Yes. He’ll call again if it’s urgent.” 

LaFontaine gave Perry a kiss on the cheek and went off to get the snacks out for the arriving visitors.

-+-

“Babe, did you pick out a movie yet?” 

Ell was strolling around the apartment, trying to find something under the pile of clothes. Today she had to do it, she thought. There was no more putting it off.

“Babe, what are you doing?”

Carmilla peeked into the bedroom and was almost hit with a bright yellow sweater, which was terribly ugly and one of Ell’s horrifying fashion choices.

Ell was going through all their clothes, so busy in trying to find something, she didn’t even hear Carmilla calling out to her.

Not trying to get hit again by some ugly fabric, she cautiously walked closer to Ell and grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her into an embrace, making Ell face her.

“Oh, hey, I was just about to-”

“No you weren’t. You were so busy tearing this place down you didn’t even notice me walk in. What’s going on? I thought we were watching a movie?” 

“Yeah, we are. I.. I just need to find, this… thing.” 

Carmilla’s eyebrow raised up so high it was almost touching her hairline.

“Right. And, my dear cupcake, what might this ‘thing’ be?” 

“Ugh, Carm, just let me find it and then we can go watch a movie, ok?” 

Ell tried to get loose from her embrace, but Carmilla wasn’t letting her go. She cupped her face, making her look straight into her eyes.

“Ell, tell me.” her smile had disappeared and she was genuinely concerned as to why her girlfriend was so worried about finding something.

“Carm, I just. Ugh. There’s something I have to tell you.”

“Ok. What is it?”

Carmilla had removed her arms from around Ells waist and crossed them over her chest, waiting impatiently.

Ell brought her hand to her back pocket and grabbed something out of it. It looked like a box.

She looked at Carmilla, seeing her girlfriend getting more and more anxious of waiting and she couldn’t keep her laugh to herself anymore. She let out a long snort that sounded much like a chair deflating and opened the box.

“Happy anniversary, love.” 

In the box was a silver locket, engraved with the letters “CK” in an old-fashioned font. The edges were engraved with a special print. It looked gorgeous.

“Oh my god. You fucking shit.”

Carmilla grabbed the box and pushed her girlfriend up against the nearest wall, poking her in the stomach, trying to tickle her. They fell on the bed.

“No wait, stop, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Ell could barely get the words out, as Carmilla kept going with no intention of having mercy on her. She was trying to gasp for air now. It was the most beautiful sight ever, Carmilla thought.

The box was laying beside them and Carmilla pinned Ell down on the bed, letting her catch her breathe and giving her girlfriend a menacing look.

“I hate you.” she crunched between her teeth.

“I love you.” it was whispered in such a way, it made Carmilla weak in the knees and she instantly got reminded why she couldn’t stay mad at this girl for longer than 2 minutes.

She said it again, in between trying to catch her breath and Carmilla couldn’t resist her any longer.

“I love you too.”

Their lips crashed into a passionate kiss and with the way hands started to roam over each others bodies, there probably wouldn't be any movie on tonight.

“What happened to not giving each other stuff for our annual?” 

Carmilla asked in between kissing her girlfriends neck, sucking her sensitive spot behind her ear lobe a little too long, getting a moan out of Ell.

“I know, I just wanted to do something special this time. Since we have been going out for 2 years now.” she gasped when she felt Carmilla’s hands go up underneath her shirt, creeping under her bra.

“Hm, congrats for keeping up with me, cupcake.” 

Ell flipped Carmilla over, lacing their hands together above her head. 

They looked at each for several seconds, neither of them felt like breaking the moment with words.

“I love you so much, Carm. I really do.” 

Cupping Carmilla’s cheek she brought her face closer and planted a soft kiss on her lips.

She smirked while pulling several strands aside from Ell’s face. “Someone’s in a loving mood tonight.”

“Hey I’m serious. I love you. I love everything about. Your smile, your wit, your choices. I promise you, I will not do anything that affects us in a bad way.”

Carmilla smiled and sat up, having Ell sit in her lap, with her arms around Carmilla’s neck. Carmilla kissed her gently on the lips and pulled back.

“I love you too. And I am pretty sure I can keep doing this with you for the rest of my life.” 

She got up from the bed, taking Ell with her in her arms and to the living room.

“Now, love of my life, let’s go watch a movie, shall we?” 

-+-

“Carm, can you pick up the phone, I need to leave in ten minutes.” 

Carmilla could hear her girlfriend shouting from the bedroom on one end and hearing the phone ring on the other. She was getting ready to leave.

Rolling her eyes, Carmilla slid off the living room couch, where they had fallen asleep the night before. 

Carmilla picked up the phone, feeling a little sleep deprived still.

“Yeah, hello?”

“Carmilla.” 

Carmilla’s breathe choked and her eyes shot a little more open than they were a second ago.

She could her the background noise and the soft breathing of her mother’s voice through the phone.

“Carmilla, are you there?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m here. What do you want?”

“Carmilla. I miss you. I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“Yeah well, we can’t always get what we want can we?” 

Carmilla’s hands were shaking and she knew she was having trouble keeping it together, not even realizing she had sat down on the nearby chair.

“Carmilla, there’s something you need to know. About Ell.”

Ell walked into the living room, fully dressed and Carmilla turned to look at her.

“Who is it babe?”

“She’s not who you think she is, darling. Open your eyes.”

Carmilla was still shaking, but suddenly felt a rush of anger go through her. 

“You know, that’s really easy for you to say, since neither are you. Running an underground drug cartel? I don’t hear you screaming that off the roof tops mother.”

“I only want what’s best for you, Carmilla. I miss you.” 

“You should’ve thought about that, when taking over Dad’s drug company when he died. Hm, yet I fail to see, how any of that is best for me? Trying to get me caught up in it?”

Carmilla laughed sarcastically. “Please enlighten me on how any of what you’re doing is best for anyone.”

The other end of the line went silent, and for a moment she thought her mom had hung up the phone.

Then she heard the familiar breathing again.

“I warned you.” 

The line went dead and Carmilla put the phone down without looking up.

Approaching her slowly, Ell stopped herself in her tracks. She hesitated at first.

“What did she want?”

Carmilla got up from the chair and walked over to her girlfriend. She wrapped her arms around her waist.

“Just the usual. Drop out of school and join her illegal underground cocaine business, along with my psycho step brother.” 

She smiled and stroked Ells hair.

“Oh, I see.” she scoffed and her face changed, which didn’t go unnoticed by Carmilla.

“What? What’s wrong? You know I’m not into that stuff.”

“I.. I know, it’s just.. why don’t you go to the police and make her turn herself in? Or better yet spill all the beans about the location and stuff?”

“Ell.. we’ve talked about this. Drug dealer or not, she’s still my mom ok. I’m not gonna turn her in. If they find her and her stash or her hidden warehouse or whatever, then fine, she’s on her own. But so far, no one has, no matter how big the lead, so I’m not gonna get mixed up in that. I thought you understood that.”

“I know. I do. Never mind.” 

“Hey, what is this really about? Tell me.”

“Well, did she have anything to say about me?”

“Nothing, just the usual, you can’t be trusted blah blah blah, I don’t know why she tries so hard to break us apart.” 

“Yeah. Me neither. Hey look, I gotta take care of some stuff for work, so I’ll just meet you at the record store for lunch ok?”

Carmilla eyed her girlfriend for a second, but eventually complied.

“Yeah, sure.”

Ell gave her a quick kiss on the lips and strolled out the door, being in a hurry all of a sudden.

Carmilla was left there, standing in only a big shirt with her hair in a messy bun. It wasn’t even noon and her day had already been messed with.

“Well then, time for a nice cup of fuck you.” 

-+-

Carmilla showered and left the apartment to go to the cafe where Ell was working. She figured they might as well eat something there and go to the record store after. And she was missing her girlfriend a lot today. She hated when her mother would call once in a blue moon to let Carmilla know that unfortunately the was still alive and well, running a bloody drug cartel. How the hell did she get saddled up with the most messed up family of all time? Changing a letter in her last name may have broken all legal ties with them, but the blood ties were still there, unfortunately.

No one knew about it and she had never told anyone either. Except for Ell. It had been an emotional night, shared stories from both sides. And Ell was ok with it, they never spoke about it really. 

Sometimes Carmilla thought she made a mistake by moving out and changing her name. She thought if her mother missed her enough, she would change and drop the whole thing. But it had been 3 years, and there was no change. Maybe Ell was right and she should hand them all into the police. Then they would all rot in the jail for the rest of their lives. And she would be known as the only heir of Karnstein Corporation. ‘Runaway daughter puts The Godmother of Cocaine in jail.’ That would be a hell of a headline, she thought.

Maybe if she talked with her mother again, she could convince her. 

“Yeah right.” Carmilla whispered out loud.

She opened the door to the cafe. It was still fairly empty on this time of day. Walking to the back she scanned the area for Ell. 

“Hey Jimmy.” she greeted the manager.

“Hey kiddo, what’s up? Didn’t expect to see you here in this time of day.”

“Ha ha, very funny. Why would I deprive myself of the most beautiful thing in the world, called ‘sleep’ for however long I can?” 

“That’s one way to look at it, I guess.”

“Anyway, is Ell in the back or did I just miss her?”

“What do you mean? You know she doesn’t work today. Maybe slept a little too long, eh?”

Carmilla laughed. “I’m pretty sure she told me she needed to fix something at work. So she didn’t come in today?”

“Nah, haven’t seen her. Sorry.”

“Thanks. I’ll see ya.”

“Yeah, take care, kid.” 

Carmilla walked out the bar and stood outside of the door for a second. She grabbed her phone and dialed the number she practically knew by heart now. It rang. Once. Twice. A few more times. Voicemail.

She hung up. 

Maybe she changed her mind and never went in to work and just went straight to the record store.

The store was about a ten minute walk and she tried calling Ell a few more times while walking towards it. Weird. This girl is normally hand-glued over her phone and suddenly she’s hearing her voicemail greeting for the fifth time in one day.

Carmilla arrived at the store and opened the door. It was huge, with two floors going up, including a cafe at the top. When they first met, they hung out there all the time. It was practically their second home. The managers even knew everything about them.

She walked over to the front desk.

“Hey Jules, what's up?” 

“Hey, gurl. Haven’t seen you around here for a while. By which I mean a week.”

The girl at the counter snorted.

“Ha, good one. Actually we decided today we would get back to old times.”

“Oh, well then, you’re early to the party. Where’s your siamese twin?”

“I.. was kind of hoping she was here already.” 

“Haven’t seen her come in yet, but I might’ve missed her. Why don’t you see if she’s upstairs?”

“Will do. Juju.”

“Hey, don’t call me that.”

“Sure thing, Juju.” Carmilla winked and walked off, taking two stairs up to the cafe. 

When she arrived, she scanned the area. It was fairly empty here as well. Not many people knew there was a cafe upstairs in the record store, which made it that more attractive.

She saw Ell right away. She was sitting on a small sofa, her head bent over some papers on the table in front of her. A man was sitting across from her and they were having what looked like an intense conversation. She had never seen him before.

When she walked closer, she could see there were photographs on the table. They looked like surveillance pictures. She walked even closer and could now hear some words that were being exchanged.

“Carter, we can’t wait any longer. We have to make a move, now. Tonight. Or else we will lose the window.”

Carter? Why was he calling her Carter?

The guy leaned closer on the table grabbing the photo’s and started putting them in order. He grabbed a specific one.

“I’m telling you, this is the one. We have to take the chance.”

It looked like a picture of a safe house.

Carmilla walked closer, feeling a pit in her stomach grow and she could clearly hear their conversation. 

“Look, I tried to convince her, but I don’t think she’s up for it to be honest. We have to take another approach to the whole situation.”

Suddenly her eyes felt on something that was there all along, but she only noticed now. A badge. An officer badge. The guy Ell was talking to was an officer. She felt her heart beating faster suddenly. Why would Ell have such a close conversation with an officer?  
She decided to do what she is best at: reckless behaviour.

“What is going on?” 

Both Ell and the guy looked up, in awe of who they saw.

“Carm! What.. what are you doing here? We weren’t meeting until 1 o’clock.”

She shot up from the sofa and tried to stand between her and the table, concealing the photos and files.

“I know. But I got bored so I went by your work. Where you were supposed to be. Which turned out you never even went. You were here, talking dirt with some random off-” 

Her eyes hit the picture on the table. The one she knew all too familiar. She knew it because it was hers. A picture of her mother. As if in a reflex she pushed Ell aside to take a closer look at the pictures and files.

“Carmilla, just wait-”

“I’m sorry ma’am, but this is not for-”

“Oh. My God.”

She turned to look at Ell, her face covered in utter disbelief and shock.

“You’re a cop. You’re an undercover cop.”

Ell just stared at her and didn’t know what to say. “Carmilla..”

“You.. this.. no. No. This can’t be true.”

Suddenly Carmilla’s head was beginning to spin and she could see the photo of her mother go hazy.

She had to hold herself up and Ell reached her arm out.

“No, don’t you dare touch me.” the dizziness had made place for anger and rage.

“Carmilla, please, please let me explain.” 

The guy packed the pictures and filed them back in the folder.

“Carter, come back to the office when you’re done here.”

He took a quick look at Carmilla and then walked down the stairs.

Carmilla was still in shock. She couldn’t believe what she just witnessed. Her girlfriend. An undercover police officer. 

She felt used and betrayed and shot an angry look at Ell.

“You, you conniving little slut!”

She raised her hand, but before she knew it Ell grabbed it and turned her around, putting her arm behind her back, in a really swift motion. Clearly she had some training for that.

She could feel her breathe close to her ear.

“Carmilla, listen to me. You don’t wanna do this here. Please, just calm down, and let me explain it to you.”

“You fucking used me!” she shouted, and some of the people that were still in the cafe looked back at her

“Shh, please, let’s go back to the apartment and we can talk about it there. Please, please Carm.”

Carmilla stopped struggling to get her hand free and Ell let go.

She ripped her hand away and shot her an angry look again. Then she walked out of the cafe, and out of the record store, with Ell running after her.

Once outside of the apartment, Carmilla grabbed Ell’s hand and dragged her inside, slamming her against the door and pinning her against it.

This time, Ell didn't try to fight back. There was no use. 

Carmilla brought her face close to hers.

“You bitch. You played me. I was just a fucking pawn in your mission to take my mother down.”

Ell could feel the pressure of Carmilla’s fingers on her wrists, digging in deeper and deeper.

“It’s true that I am an undercover cop. My name is Estelle Carter, and the goal of this mission was to take down the Karnstein drug cartel.”

“I have nothing to do with that!”

“I know this. I found out later, when you told me. But by then, we were already deep in the mission, and-”

Ell paused for a second, trying to find the right words.

“And they told me to continue.”

“Continue what? Continue to fuck me while spying on my mother? Seriously? How do I know you didn’t request it yourself? Hm? Get your cunt eaten and being payed for it. Well, you know what else that’s called? It’s called being a whore.”

She spat the word in her face with a menacing undertone and it hit Ell hard. She knew it shouldn’t matter. She was just doing her job. But it did matter. It mattered a lot.

“That’s what you are. A whore. You want to take her down? Then take her down.Take me down too. Do whatever the fuck you want. But you better not be thinking, not for one fucking second, that I will let you back in my bed again.”

Her grip slowly loosened, but their faces were still inches apart.

“Carm, I’m so sorry.” her voice was so soft, almost a whisper.

“I never meant for us to get this far. And I asked them to pull me out because it was no use.”

Carmilla’s facial expression didn’t change.

“I want you to know. Whatever I said, whatever I felt, I.. I never lied. Not once.”

“Shut up. Shut up. Just shut up.”

She let her go and turned around, walking to the dining room table. Her apartment wasn’t small, just a regular size living room with a small couch, kitchen and dinner area. And a separate door leading to the bedroom and the bathroom.

But for the first time in her life, it felt way too small and she could feel the walls closing in on her. 

She shoved a bowl of fruit from the dinner table out of frustration and held her head.

“You need to go. You need to go now.”

Ell pushed herself up from the door and walked towards Carmilla.

Where did everything go wrong? Carmilla wasn’t supposed to find out like this. 

“Carm.”

“Don’t. Fucking. Call. Me. That.”

The menacing tone was back. The one that threatened to spit out the most hurtful words to make Ell feel miserable. But she knew. She knew Carmilla. It didn’t matter how many times she would call her a whore or tell her she hated her. She knew deep down, it wasn’t true.

She loved her. She had felt it. Every time their eyes had met. Everytime they had touched. Everytime they had made love.

Ell felt a sudden feeling of emptiness go through her. She never meant to hurt Carmilla. She wished she could turn back time, and never accepted this mission in the first place. They would’ve never met. Never would’ve fallen in love. But they did meet. And they did fall in love. And Ell was not regretting one second of it. The only thing she did regret was not telling Carmilla. She could’ve explained it to her. If only she had. She could feel herself tearing up and was wondering how she let it get this far. How she let herself get so emotionally entangled in this relationship, which was supposed to be a cover-up. How it had never happened before. And this one time it did. But Carmilla was worth it. She would try everything she could to make it right.

Ell wrapped her arms around Carmilla and pressed herself closer to her back, not intending to let go.

“What the fuck are you doing? Get off of me!”

Carmilla tried to pry Ell’s hands loose from her waist, scratching her fingers in the process.

“Ell, get the fuck off. Now! Fucking leave right now!”

“Carm, I’m so sorry!”

“Ell, I swear to go-”

“Please, please Carm, don’t make me leave. Please.”

Finally she got her hands off of her and Carmilla pushed her back, hard.

“You leave, right now, or I swear, I will do something I’m gonna regret.”

“You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead. I’m here. You wanna get your anger out? Do it right now. But please, please talk to me and let me explain.” She was almost begging.

Ell relaxed her arms by her side and was really not intended on leaving at all.

“Fuck you, you know that. Just fuck you.”

“Carm. Just do whatever you want. I deserve it.”

Carmilla just looked at Ell with a menacing face, as if a million thoughts were going through her mind on how to hurt her.  
“Come on. Get it out.”

Before Ell realized, Carmilla was coming at her, storming over like a thousand hurricanes. She closed her eyes, expecting the dull blow of knuckles against her jaw bone. She had a few of those in the past and in time she got to learn how to take the pain easier. The fact that it would come from Carmilla didn’t make it any easier. But she deserved it. If this was what she needed to get her anger out then so be it.

But it wasn't a fist she felt on her cheek. It was a pair of soft lips, crashing on hers in a harsh way. She got pushed back against the wall and felt the familiar fingers around her wrists as she got pinned against the wall again. The familiar body that pushed up against hers. But the touch was different. It wasn’t loving. Not at all. It was revenge. Revenge for being hurt. By the person she cared about, the person she loved. Well deserved, Ell thought. This was a more severe punishment than getting her jaw broken. This broke her heart. Like she broke Carmilla’s.

Carmilla let go of her hands, only to rip open the blue vest she was wearing. The sound of buttons scattering all over the floor echoed throughout the room. She put her thigh between Ell’s legs to keep her in place while aggressively taking her shirt off. Ell could feel Carmilla’s breathe hot on her lips, filled with rage.

Carmilla’s leather jacket fell on the floor, along with Ell’s ripped vest. She could feel her hands moving up to cup her face, but that was not what Carmilla wanted. 

She grabbed her hands and bent them both behind her back, pushing her towards the bedroom while locking their lips again. She bit her neck, hard. That was gonna leave a massive bruise. It made Ell moan loudly, feeling the pain mixed with pleasure.

They almost tripped over the threshold which connected the living room to the bedroom, while feverishly kissing each other and trying to get the remaining clothes off. It was messy and desperate.

Ell was pushed onto the bed, all naked now, having Carmilla stand in front of her at the edge. She admired Carmilla’s body, eyes going from her smooth legs, to the inside of her thighs, where bite marks had been left many times, to her sex, to her toned stomach, to her firm breasts, seeing her chest heaving up and down from anger, her collarbone, and her knife-cutting jawline. But the thing she admired most was her face. Her face could say everything. Especially her eyes. Carmilla wasn’t really the talking one when it came to feelings. She had a lot of things to say, many ways to seduce her and would say the most outrageous things in bed which could send her tumbling over the edge. But when it came to feelings, Carmilla was always tongue-tied. Probably because in House Karnstein, it was all about actions and not feelings. It always had been. She never got the chance to express them. Express her anger or her hurt in words. So she would always consort to various other ways. Like painting. Or writing. Or fucking her girlfriend until she begged her to stop. Which was probably what was about to happen right now.

Ell decided to give it one more chance. After all, what more did she have to lose? Her job? She couldn’t care less about that right now.

“Carm.” it was a cautious whisper and she could see Carmilla flinch at the word.

“Please, let me explain.” 

Carmilla launched forward, getting on her knees in between Ell’s legs and grabbed her by her hair, keeping her face an inch away from Ell’s.

“Shut up.” 

She grabbed Ell by her hips and pulled her on her lap, still gripping a handful of hair. She brought her face close to hers and kissed her. Not in the soft and passionate way she usually would, but in a harsh dominating way, pushing her tongue inside with force. 

Ell could feel a hand going down to her aching core and she flinched when she felt two fingers go deep inside her. They slid in easily, but Carmilla pushed in a third one, going in as far as she could. Ell broke the kiss and let out a moan. Carmilla had abandoned her mouth and was now feasting on her neck, leaving bite marks everywhere. This was her way of payback. Marking her body. Reminding her of what she did, every time she would look in the mirror.

Ell could feel a pair of teeth grabbing her skin and not letting go for a while. It hurt. But the feeling of having three fingers thrusting in and out of her at just the right curve numbed the pain out. She couldn’t focus on much of anything other than Carmilla keeping her in place with one hand around the back of her neck and the other working her cunt. 

Carmilla kept her pace even and steady. She didn’t have to focus on much else than the rapid movement of fingers inside Ell and leaving bruises on every inch of skin she had access to. The only thing she wanted right now was to feel Ell’s body break around her fingers. So when Ell reached down to pleasure Carmilla she flinched, and grabbed the other girls head to give her an angry look. 

She didn’t stop at Carmilla’s warning-stare and continued her hand downwards, putting her fingers on her clit. At first Carmilla gave no reaction when she touched her gently, but after a few seconds she eased into the touch, and closed her eyes. Her pace had slowed down and Ell grabbed the back of Carmilla’s neck, making her look straight at her. She could see the anger clearly there, but there was also a hint of something else present. It was the same love she saw every time she looked at her.

Carmilla gasped when Ell entered her and she resumed her pace.

They were both panting into each others mouth now, their temples touching, both of them desperate to feel the other break. 

No words were spoken, not even the usual ‘fuck’s’ were whispered after every jolt of pleasure. There was only soft moaning in the room and the sound of fingers going in and out of wet folds. They were both close, feeling their walls tightening on the others fingers. Feeling the hot breathe on the others mouth, they came in unison, whispering each others name as they felt their orgasms go through their body in waves. They wished this moment would never end. The few seconds where reality would fade.

Trying to catch her breathe, Ell rested her chin on Carmilla’s shoulder. She left a soft kiss their and brought her mouth close to Carmilla’s ear. 

“I love you.” 

Her voice cracked and she could feel her eyes welling up.

Carmilla, still breathing heavy, didn’t respond. She laid Ell down on her back and got up. She shifted to sit down on the edge of the bed. They both didn’t say a word. Ell could feel a tear dropping from the corner of her eye.

“I want you to go. By the end of the evening.”  
Her voice was harsh and low. She had never heard it like that before. Ell’s stomach dropped at the sound of it.

She swallowed the knot in her throat. “As you wish.” 

-+-

Perry opened the door to meet Laura and Kirsch, standing there with a huge pizza box.

“We come bearing gifts.” Kirsch opened the box and presented it like a present. It was a mushroom cheese pizza and the smell that came off of it was amazing.

“Very nice, every gift that is eatable will be cherished tonight.” she said while letting them in. 

“Uhm, Hi. I’m Kirsch, I think we have physics together.” 

“Hm, that may be so. Perry.”

They proceeded to go into the living room, where LaFontaine, Natalie and Betty were already present. Everyone was laughing and they turned to see who had came in.

“Everyone, this is Laura and Kirsch. They brought a nice gift.”

She put the pizza down and suddenly there was a swarm around the table.

“I hope you save some place for brownies, they are homemade and healthy, because I used biological dark chocolate. Which is great for your skin as well.”

Perry caught LaF smiling at her and they had the widest grin on their face, which said ‘I love you, you goof’ a thousand times over.

They went into the kitchen to get the brownies out on the table when Perry suddenly came in and put her hands around their waist.

“Oh, Per, what are you doing? There are children in the room next to us.”

“Ha, very funny. I think they are grown up enough to leave two people in love with some privacy, aren’t they?”

LaF turned around and faced their girlfriend.

“Did I mention you’re beautiful tonight?”

“Hm, at least twice while we got dressed and then ano-” Perry got cut off by LaF’s lips being planted on hers. 

They pulled their girlfriend closer in their embrace and deepened the kiss. 

“Hm, I love when you do that,”

“Do what?”

“Like when I talk and you ju-”

Perry giggled in the kiss this time, not being able to help herself. When she pulled back, she could see their face was flushed. It looked cute on them.

“I love you, sweetie.”

“I love you too, b-”

This time LaF smiled into the kiss, pulling their girlfriend even closer to them, when suddenly they heard a voice in the kitchen.

“Uhm, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, but we accidentally spilled soda on the couch and I think it got on your… computer as well.”

LaFontaine’s eyes widened and they rushed to the living room, bringing a set of towels with them.

“You want some brownies, Laura?”

“Thanks, I would love one.”

Laura grabbed one from the tin box and took a huge bite from it.

“Hm, these are delicious.” she said barely audible due to her mouth being full.

Perry’s eyes lit up and her smile widened.

“Hey so, I just wanted to say, thank you for inviting me. I really needed a night out with friends.”

Perry walked over to the brunette and touched her shoulder.

“Of course, you’re welcome here anytime.”

They heard a faint sound from the living room which sounded close to a dying bear.

“No, not my usb drive.” they could hear LaF whining.

Perry smiled. “Anytime.”

They both proceeded to the living room, Perry taking the brownies with her.  
They saw LaF desperately drying her UBS stick in a paper towel, rolling it up like a tiny burrito.

“Oops, sorry about that. I kinda slipped while playing arm wrestling with this hottie here.”

“My name is Betty, and you lost, dude.”

“Yeah wanna go for a rematch?”

Suddenly the doorbell rang.

“Oh I’ll get it.” Perry put the brownies down on the table and rushed to the door. LaFontaine was still trying to get soda off of her USB stick. Everyone was settled in, when Laura suddenly heard a familiar voice.

Oh no, she thought.

“Hey, thanks for inviting me. I have been working all week. This is my first night off.”

“Yeah, no problem. Everyone, this is Danny.”

Danny smiled into the crowd, until her eyes scanned Laura’s face. Her smile dropped and they both looked at each other as if they had seen a ghost.

Suddenly Perry realized the mistake she made by inviting them both. Together. Her smile stayed on her face and she looked at both Laura and Danny.

“Well then, please, enjoy yourselves.” She rushed to the kitchen, dragging LaF with her.

Danny sat down on the other side of the couch, meeting with Natalie and Betty, leaving Laura and Kirsch on the opposite side of the living room.

“Uhm, honey, maybe we didn’t really think this through.”

“What do you mean?”

“By the look on their faces, I don’t think they have really been face to face, until now.”

“That sucks for them, Per.”

“LaFontaine.”

“What? It’s really not our business to mingle in their relationship, is it?

“No, but don’t you think it will be weird for them?”

They both peeked out of the kitchen into the living room. Danny, Betty, Natalie and Kirsch we’re busy analyzing a program called “Naked and Afraid” which basically consisted of comparing the guys penis to a wrinkled pickle. Laura was sitting alone in a corner, staring outside the window.

They went back in the kitchen.

“See, that’s what I meant. The girl already had a rough week, and now she has to deal with this too.”

“Well what do you suggest we do?”

“I think I have an idea.”

They went out back in the living room.

“Alright, I want all redheads into the kitchen for a special get together which is very important. Laura you’re coming too.”

“But, I’m not-”

“Now, Laura.”

Perry had the look of a mom telling her child to do the chores or else there wouldn’t be any internet for the whole week, so Laura complied.

Once in the kitchen, she was face to face with Danny.

“Alright, so, LaF and I were thinking that, it’s best for everyone tonight if you guys talk about your differences or what’s bothering you.”

“Are you serious right now?” Danny rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, giving an attitude of really not wanting to be there.

“Uhm, Perry I appreciate it, but I don't think-” Laura was cut off.

“Oh I’m sorry, did I mention that it’s voluntary, because it isn’t. Now, if you guys just give it a try and talk to each other, the rest of this night will go a lot easier. For the both of you. We will be next door if you need us. Come on, S”

LaFontaine left the room with Perry, giving an apologizing look towards Laura and Danny.

They were both standing, avoiding each others’ eyes.

Laura decided to break the ice.

“So, this is nice huh? A night. Together. With friends.”

“Yeah, because apparently that’s all you want to be.”

“Danny, it’s not about that. This isn’t about us, or our relationship. This is about me. Needing my own space.”

“Laura, you don’t need space if you like each other. You want to be together if you like each other. I mean it’s not that hard to understand.”

“Well clearly it is, since you’re not understanding any of it. Look Dan, I just, I really need my own space and I just need to get all this over with. I still like you. I really do. But I think we’re not working out, because, it’s just you and me, needing different things. In general.”

“Is there someone else? Because if there is-”

“No, Danny. There is no one else. I promise. This is all me and you, ok? Look, just because we are not together doesn’t mean that we can’t hangout. As friends. You know, grab a bite or something. Unless you know, it would be too hard for you. In which case I totally understand and I won’t bother you anymore, I promise, but please, don’t ignore me. I hate passing you in the hallway and not being able to say hi to my friend. Or ask her how her day is going.”

Danny wasn't saying anything and just looked at the ground. 

Laura sighed. “Ok, fine. Whatever you want.” She turned around and started to walk towards the living room.

“Wait. You’re right. I miss you too.”

Laura turned back and saw the tall redhead looking at her, a little smile appearing on her face.

“And, I’m sorry, about the things I said before. Not seeing that, maybe you don’t need me as your girlfriend right now, but as a friend, was selfish of me.”

Laura smiled now. “I’m sorry about what I said too.”

“My really tiny friend that is.”

“Oh shut up.”

Danny reached down and grabbed Laura by her neck, messing her hair up with her hand.

“Hey stop!”

She slipped from underneath her and pushed Danny back playfully.

“Come on, let’s go analyze some ugly ass dicks on screen.”

-+-

Carmilla opened her eyes. The room was dark, but there was a ray of moonlight shining right through the window on her bed. The dark curtains were still wide open. She looked around the room and saw her clothes from last night everywhere. Her throat hurt, and her eyes were swollen. She glanced at the side of the bed. 6.07 pm. 

Carmilla sat up, wrapping the warm sheets against her naked body. When she looked at her pile of clothes again, she noticed the other pile was missing. Ell was gone. She had probably left after Carmilla fell asleep. After they finished having sex, which Carmilla regretted doing. Ell had gotten up from the bed and went into the living room. Carmilla had lied there, staring at the ceiling and from time to time a tear would drop from the corner of her eyes. She didn’t even remember falling asleep. 

Resting her arms on her knees, she let her head fall into her hands. How could she be so stupid? Not have seen the signs? No, Carmilla thought. There were no signs. None. She was a professional. She was good at doing this, she had been for years. She covered up her tracks perfectly well. 

Carmilla groaned, feeling a massive headache coming up from dehydration. And probably from not having eaten anything during the day. And from crying.

She grabbed a shirt from the floor and went into the kitchen. She opened the door to the kitchen, staring into it aimlessly. There was still leftover pizza from yesterday. Yesterday, she thought. When everything was still normal. Living a normal life with her normal girlfriend. She laughed sarcastically. Trying to live a normal life, away from her family didn't quite work out the way she wanted to.

She decided to get dressed and to get away from the apartment. The whole place still smelled like her. Carmilla was about to leave but got stopped in her tracks by her own thoughts. She grabbed her phone out from her leather jacket and dialed the number she knew too well. Voicemail. While putting the phone back she left her apartment, not looking back at the mess that was made.

Walking down the stairs of the building, she heard her phone ring. She could feel her heart skip a beat and thought it was Ell. It wasn’t. The caller id was hidden, but she knew who it was. There was only one person that would call her on her mobile with a blocked number.

“Hello mother. What do you want?”

“I told you, she could not be trusted.”

Carmilla stopped walking down the stairs.

“How did you even know in the first place?”

“Carmilla, come home. Let’s talk about this face to face. I’ll explain everything.”

The other end of the line got quiet and she heard a monotone beep.

Carmilla removed the phone from her ear and put it back into her pocket.

Fuck you, she thought. It was probably her own manipulative game she played against her. But why wasn’t she afraid that the cops might find her now? Ell must have turned in all the information to the force and they should be arresting her mom right now.

Carmilla couldn’t put a finger on it. She walked back up to her apartment and grabbed her car keys. She rarely drove it, since everything was in walking distance. And she loved taking walks with Ell, or taking the bus. Used to love, she corrected herself.

Without looking back at the apartment she got in her car and headed out.

-+-

“Mother! Where are you?”

Carmilla screamed from the living room, up the stairs. She forgot how big her parental mansion was.

Suddenly a tall, female, figure appeared from the top of the huge marble stairs. Their eyes met briefly and her mother smiled.

She graciously walked down the stairs, seeing her stepbrother, Will, follow right after her. He wasn’t the insecure, pansy she remembered. He had grown, having more masculine lines on his face and his body was fairly toned. She could see his muscles through the tight shirt he was wearing under his leather jacket. And of course, on the side of his hip was a 9 mm tucked away. How perfect. Her mother’s personal bodyguard.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she took Carmilla in from top to bottom.

“Darling, you look marvelous.” her voice was as soft as silk, but behind it there was always a low undertone present.

“Oh, save it mother. I came here for answers, not your fake flattery.” 

“Oh why yes, of course. You wanted to know how I knew that, your bed partner, was in fact a two faced concubine.”

Carmilla launched at her mother, growling in the process. She was stopped in her tracks by Will, who grabbed her by her arms and pushed her back. He made a waving gesture with his finger. 

“Bad move, kitty.”

Carmilla recovered, pulling her jacket straight.

“Shut up!” she spat at Will. 

“And you, don’t you dare talk about her like that!” 

Her mother laughed, sarcastically. “And why not, my sweet? Isn’t that what she did to you? Look at yourself sweetie. You got used, inside and outside of the bedroom, for the exact reason why you changed that one letter in your last name. You tried to run away from it, while you just ran into it. Karnstéén sounds just as appealing as the original variant."

She was walking around Carmilla, taking her facial expression in with every word she said. She knew exactly what to say to her. She had known for years.

Carmilla’s face changed, going from rage to disappointment. Disappointment in herself. Thinking there was a way to outrun her mother, her damned drug business and live a normal life. The truth was, she would never get away from it. She realized that now. What happened in the past couple of days, hell the past couple of years, proved that. People would always use her to get what they wanted. To take down Karnstein Corporation’s drug cartel. If she tried to turn her mom in, she would make her life a living hell. She had threatened her before. And she knew her mom. To get what she wanted, she would cross every line.

“Admit it, Carmilla. There’s no more running away. You’ve seen the outside world. Look what they do. You can’t trust anyone but your family.”

She said the last word while holding her hands out as if to welcome her back.

Carmilla just stared at the ground, a million thoughts going through her head and honestly, she felt tired. She felt exhausted. Always running. Always being on guard. This business had been up and running for years, even after her Dad died. No one had been caught and all leads had always lead to a fail, the police having to drop charges every time. No one would ever know she was involved and no one would try to use her ever again. The woman she thought had been the love of her life turned out to be the lie of her life.

She looked up at the older woman standing in front of her. Cecile Karnstein. Vicious and bitter. Ever since she was born she knew the menacing ways of her mother. And she failed to fight them every time. She smiled and a tear rolled down her face.

Carmilla's voice was low and bitter. “What else do I have to lose?”

Cecile scoffed, dropping her arms and holding them in front of her. “You don’t have anything left, darling. Not even her.”

Carmilla looked up, surprised. What did she mean by that?

Cecile gestured Will. He walked to the other room and returned several seconds later, carrying a corpse. A female corps. A female cop. Ell.

Carmilla’s eyes widened as Will put her limp body down on the floor in front of her. 

“No! Ell! Oh my god Ell!”

She dropped to the floor beside her dead girlfriend and put her head in her lap. 

“You monster!” she screamed the words at her mother. “You killed her!”

“She did this to herself, darling. By coming here on her own, holding me at gunpoint. No warrant, no explanation. If William hadn’t shown up, I would be lying there instead. Would you have wanted that?”

Carmilla was crying now, she wasn’t sure why. She cupped Ell’s face with her hand. It was cold. She had been dead for a while. Even when she was dead, she was still so beautiful. Her hazel brown hair was bound in a ponytail. A bullet wound was clearly visible. She was wearing a white vest, which was almost completely covered with blood, black pantaloons and a blazer jacket. Her badge was clearly visible, clipped to her pants.

Seeing the badge made her angry. It was the reason why she was in this emotional state right now. If Ell hadn’t shown up here to kill her mother, she would still be alive. And she would’ve gotten answers from her. She would’ve asked her why she did this to her and if any of it was ever real. But she wouldn’t be able to anymore. Because she chose her job over Carmilla.

Carmilla had stopped crying and she removed Ell’s head from her lap, standing back up. 

“How are you going to cover this up?” she asked, her voice harsh and still shaking.

“Leave that to me and Will, darling. Leave it to your family.” 

The older woman walked over to Carmilla and hugged her. Tightly. Carmilla hesitated, but eventually put her arms around her mother’s waist. 

It was a whisper, barely audible. “My family.”

\----------+


End file.
